HOW TO GET MARRIED IN THAILAND

Please don’t blame me if your husband’s, wife’s, boyfriends, girlfriends, gayfriends and other people you know pack their bags and head to Thailand after reading this post. I will not accept any responsibility if that happen. And no, I am not available to be your guide.

How to get married in Thailand?. While working there, and in one of my balik kampong trip, my parents neighbor asked me this question, “Why you think they don’t want to put a stop to those who go to Thailand and get married there?” I don’t know how to answer that kind of question but offered an explanation. “Makcik, people will do anything for love, even merenangi lautan api, what more border fences” (Yeah I know, my reply was so cheesy, but that the only answer I could came up with).

Anyway, marriage services are offered by the Imam in most of the mosques over there. If it’s very difficult for you to find one, go to the one of the Muslim restaurant in Hadyai, and they will be more than willing to show you the way. Bring your passport with you. Witnesses? Don’t worry, they will be provided. Language barrier? No problem, some of them can speak Malay which is similar to Kelantanese accent.

From syara’ point of view, what you are doing is legal in Islam. I wont discuss much about this but that’s the basic thing. Mosques in Thailand fall under purview of a Provincial Islamic Authority, so the marriage cert and the marriage itself is legal and binding.

What do you do after that?

Go to Perlis. Register your marriage there. Why Perlis? The Islamic Family Law is quite lenient there compared to other states. There will be a fine imposed because you get married outside your Mukim. I maybe wrong but I think its about RM 1,000.00. Be advised, this is a very important step. You have to register your marriage in Malaysia. Otherwise all legal implication for matters like when you have children and pembahagian harta (to name a few) will be an issue afterwards. But once you register, your marriage will be recognized in Malaysia.

You will then live happily ever after………..or not.

To be continued….

* Balik Kampung - going back home

* Makcik - Auntie (Malaysians address people older than they are in respectful way, like mak cik - auntie, pak cik - uncle even if they dont have any blood relations)

* merenangi lautan api - to swim in a sea of fire (methapor)

* pembahagian harta - division of property

UPDATE ON DINA ZAMAN'S I AM MUSLIM 2 PROJECT

Be warned, this is a bragging entry.

My article was published in the I Am Muslim 2 blog today. That's 2, I repeat, 2 articles accepted in the project. (Muahaha).

I am still trying to find time to meet Dina. No, not to thank her.

It will be a negotiation on the payment thing. :)

OF PROSTITUTES AND PROSTITUTION

As practicing Muslims, who honour all our obligation, and performed all the ibadat rituals day after day without fail, what is our first impression of a prostitute?

I posed this question to almost everybody that I know, colleague in my office, friends in teh tarik sessions, futsal team mates, religious teachers, Internet Islamic preachers and anyone I could think of.

Almost everybody told me without even blinking their eyes, prostitutes are sinful person; not afraid to incur God’s wrath; tak de kerja lain ke?, for sure a hell’s candidate; they sold their body for money; all sort of negative remarks as if they are talking about the devil himself.

I posed the next questions. "Have you ever met one? Been talking to them lately?" Their answers; Uh, no, I stayed away from them; Wouldn’t even dream of talking to them; what are you talking about, they are prostitutes for God’s sake; and the best answer of them all; “Where to find one, ah?” With eyes looking at me top to bottom as if I am Mr. Pimp himself. (I assure you that I am not).

The thing is, with prostitutes, who in their right mind wants to be one? Or were they, when asked about their ambitions by their primary school teacher, answered dreamily, when I grow up, I want to be a prostitute, Sir.

Some years back, when I was working abroad, I had an opportunity of meeting them through a good friend of mine, a Catholic priest, who runs a programme to educate former prostitute. Meeting them was an eye opener. I found them to be intelligent, brave and full of determination.

I am not trying to champion them or condone their activities. What I am trying to do, is to understand the reason why they did it. Some of them told me, they came from poverty stricken family, since their parents cannot afford to send them to school, this is what they end up doing, to earn income and financially support their parents, brothers and sisters. One of them asked me, “Do you think that I want to do this, sleeping with man everyday? I am helping my family back home, and if God wants to punish me for that, so be it. At least my family is well fed”. Another told me she was cheated into it by her uncle, and she was sold to a man who owns a brothel. She escaped and went to the police, and her family disowned her for being a prostitute rather than helping her to come back to her previous life. Feeling dejected and lost, she turns to the only thing she knew. “But this time,” she said, “its my own willing choice”.

I asked myself, why in Malaysia, nothing has been done to address this social issue? Of course, the newspaper always reported successful operations and raid by the authorities, but one glaring fact is the sometimes missing information on how many of them are locals, and always the numbers being detained are foreigners. It seems that there are no local prostitutes in Malaysia. I don’t buy that. Go to any establishment which offered massage services and you can easily engaged/ find one.

I agree, what they did is sinful. No doubt about that. But we should not judge them negatively just because that is what our community’s general view of prostitution. I asked a religious teacher, “What is Islam answer to prostitution and how to eradicate it?” I was not surprised when he went overboard with his reply, saying again and again that prostitution is sinful, haram plus the usual prostitute demonizing speech. I rephrased my question. “What if your relatives, or God forbid, your children is actively involved in vice, what would you do?” He sarcastically remarks. “Son, I am from a good family, there is no way that will happen” Seeing him still missing the point, I gave up my conversation with him.

I cannot help but wonder about our Muslim preachers. Who are their target groups? I am confident that a brothel’s Mamasan and her personnel will never make it to their list. A group of them came to my area a few months ago. They were soft spoken and polite. I asked them, “Where else have you been?” They replied “We went to this masjid, stayed in this kampong, a round trip to this place, you know.” I continued, “Did you do da’wah to drug addicts, prostitutes, Mat Rempits and the likes?” My question is met with a blank stare at first, but someone on the group offered an answer. “Encik”, with a smirk and a smart ass look on his face, “You cannot find them in the mosques and suraus.” I replied “EXACTLY.” and walk away.

I am a believer in second chances. I do wish our Muslim community, instead of forever chastising prostitutes and slap a negative label on them, we should at least engage and encourage them to leave their world. The sad thing is, no one wants to admit it as an existing social problem here in Malaysia other than treating it as a punishable crime under our laws. We don’t want to go deeper than that.

It a sad fact, but I do wish however that one day, a group of prostitute will be given the chance to jump over the North Pole like those former Mat Rempits.

THE DAY I GOT FLIPPED!

How do you feel if you were flipped? Sorry, Let me rephrase that.
How do you feel if you were flipped by a woman? Hmmm... Let me rephrase that again.
How do you feel if you were flipped by 2 tudung clad woman in a day?

Yeah, you read it right. The standard, middle finger salute, universal sign of saying "F**k you!" without saying it out loud.

Man, I didnt do anything wrong at all. Not this time anyway.

FLIP NO 1

After lunch. At the parking lot in the mall. Its over crowded. Walking to my car, saw a Myvi with engine running. Dont give it much thought. Got in, and started the engine. Notice that its raining outside. Had to fetch the umbrella in the car boot. Got out of the car. Looked at the Myvi, the tudung clad woman looks furious. I thought, maybe she got pissed off waiting for her friend. Took the umbrella, got into the car again. Started reversing the car, have to wriggle my way out since the parking space is so small. Dont want to scratch the car parked beside me. Saw Myvi lady flashing her lights in my rearview mirror. What now? Ignoring her, I reversed my car. Once I am cleared, at that very moment, the Myvi burst to life, cranking up its engine and shot passed me into the empty lot. With screeching noise. What the ......? The tudung clad lady slammed her door, walk passed and flipped her middle finger. Whats that all about?. I was too amused to say anything back or reciprocate her gesture.

FLIP NO 2

After office. Driving back to my place. The road is clear. Approached a junction and flicked the signal to go right. Out of the blue a white Kancil overtook me on the leftside, sped and cut in front of me, crossing over going to the left. Slammed the brake so hard, I felt the seatbelt strained to keep me in the seat. Turned my head, shouting my list of favourite obscene word and found my eyes staring at a middle finger salute by a baju kurung, mini tudung wearing girl. She flipped me.

What's happening here? Was today somehow, tudung clad ladies cooked up a conspiracy among them and decided "Okay girls, today we are going to flip Akula. So you girls watched him, trailed him, make him mad and then give him the middle finger salute". I AM NOT THAT FAMOUS, OKAY!

Enough is enough. I cant take this anymore. So on instinct I followed the Kancil. Saw it parked in front of the mosque. Switch on my amp, pop in an Iron Maiden CD, cranked up the volume. Stop by the baju kurung, mini tudung wearing girl (could see her getting panic), slide my window down and to the loud, unforgiving tune of Iron Maiden's Bring Me Your Daughter To The Slaughter yelled, "F**k you too, asshole!" and drove away.

In retrospect, allow me to say this, I am not generalising. Dont have anything against women who wear tudung. Really. I respect their choice in fulfilling their obligation as a Muslim.

To the 2 girls above, fine, you got my attention. I am all for `the anything you can do I can do better' attitude but please do not flip your middle finger to anyone else. You might think its cool and hip but really, its buruk man.

I plead temporary insanity to the incident in front of the mosque.

PROMOTING DINA ZAMAN'S I AM MUSLIM 2

I am not promoting Dina Zaman's new book I Am Muslim. No. Period. I am sure enough efforts, money and personal appearances by Dina herself have been made to do that. And I have never met her except through a few correspondences via emails.

However, I like the idea of her on going project which is to get a book publish written by you guys. The concepts and how to are define clearly in her blog I Am Muslim and I will not get into the details here. (Don't want to steal her thunder la).

When she was in malaysiakini, I had this bugging thought which I need to clear out of my head. So I wrote an article and send it to Dina's column. And she published it. I am telling you, for the whole month I felt like being on the top of the world. Nothing like getting your work published. And the best thing was, it invokes debates. Loved it.

So you guys, have a go at it. If you can talk, you definitely can write. It's just a matter of instead using your mouth, you used your hands. Your brain will still process the same output. Oh... and whatever Dina mentioned in her blog, about the need of using correct grammars, don't pay any attention to it. That is exactly why she has editors to rectify your grammar mistakes. :) On a serious note, from my personal experiences, if you worry about grammatical mistakes, it will stump the idea flows. And you'll get irritate, then you'll get mad. The same thing when you are eating. The uninterrupted process of using your hand to grab the nasik lemak, mixing it with sambal sotong and finally shoving it to your mouth is really important. Imagine while you are doing that, someone slap you at the back. All hell will break loose, right? That is what worrying about grammatical mistakes will do to your idea flow. You can correct your mistakes later, or just let Dina and her gang of editors do it for you. If you are already excellent, then the above advice is obviously not for you. Hehe.

I apologised for the preaching. I am still learning too, but what the hell, you'll never know if you don't try.

As for me, yes, I will contribute a piece of my opinion later, once I renegotiate the payment thing. :)

And Dina, if you read this, open table la. I hauled my ass off all over KL to buy your book, but at the end, still no book. Sold out. What la you.....kedekut ah?