UNCLE C AND HIS THAI WIFE

My dad, a shrewd person that he is, have a Chinese friend, Uncle C, who sells VCD and DVD (pirated ones la) in our hometown. He frequents his friend's stall religiously once a week. Until they became good friends. As good friends, of course, whenever my mum and aunties are in their mood of getting their emotional sense torn apart by Bollywood movies, my dad will buy it from Uncle C, with great discounts. That's why I said he is a shrewd person. Be friend with them, and they will give discounts.

Anyway, his friend have a problem. Wanted to marry a Thai. Don't know shit how to, though. That's where I came in the picture.

Akula's Dad : Akula, please help Uncle C. Go to Thailand with him. Settle his problem.
Akula : Hmm... OK. I will try.
Akula's Dad : No, No. Dont try. Do it.
Akula : Ok, Ok.

(I have to state a point here. We Malaysian deeply respect our parents and usually will not go against their wishes).

The reason my dad asked me was that I used to live in Thailand and I can speak Thai a little bit. That's what I was made to believe anyway.(However, I was more inclined to think somehow this must have something to do with the discounts that my dad enjoyed whenever he bought those VCD's from Uncle C). With that, I took a few days leave and off to Thailand with Uncle C and his young fiance.

We went to Uncle C fiance's village in Mae Sot, near Thai-Myanmar border, to meet up with her parents. Have to get the parents blessing. I asked Uncle C to bring gifts (read Singha Beer, locally made and a whole lot of it). The parents were happy and very accommodating.

After a simple religious ceremony with a monk solemnising the union, we went to the Local Municipality's office to register Uncle C's marriage.

Then, the father in law grab my hand and took me aside. I immediately sense something's up.

The father in law: Are you married?
Akula (*Thinking* Shit! I know this will happen): Forgive me, but why you ask me that, Sir?
The father in law: Well, if you are not, I have another daughter who I like to marry off.

I looked at his daughter. She's fair and pretty. Tempting. I wanted to say yes but took my time and glanced at jubilant Uncle C, who couldn't stop smiling, in love and surrounded by his wife's relatives. He looks so happy. Suddenly I felt pity for him thinking about what he will have to go through after this. So I lied.

Akula: Sir, thank you for your offer. But I can't. I am going to get married too. Next week.
The father in law: Well, in that case, mai pen rai (never mind).

On our trip back to Malaysia, I was thinking, why did I say no? She looks cool, and from my conversations with the family, she's a great person too.

The thing is, with Uncle C, he will be in deep shit. His wife have to apply for a visa to enter Malaysia. After that he need to make countless trips to the Immigration Office to get his wife a stay permit which during the process, he will make round trips to the border to have his wife's passport stamped for extended stay. The worse thing is, if Uncle C passed away before his wife, his wife have to go back to Thailand even though their children will be a Malaysian citizen. Applying to be a Permanent Resident? Sure, after 5 years. Applying for Malaysian citizen? Worst still. Cows will fly first. Its a very, very difficult process.

Me? Forget it. I am not a person who could go through that time and time again. No way. Not even for love.